Monday, 24 October 2011

Tired and Weary

Let Me Go Home!

Lord I'm Tired and I'm Weary, and I Want to Come Home.

Someone tell me what the hell I am doing here. Yeah, easy answer; trying to make a living. What For! This isn't living, it's just biding time. Enough!

Everything of any value is elsewhere. The love of my life and best friend is in Cape Town, My soul is split between Cape St Francis and Sodwana Bay. My friends are on the South Coast of KwaZulu-Natal and in Cape St Francis. My home towns are Winkelspruit and Port Elizabeth.

And yet here I am, 14 hours a day and more building too successful websites as part of a long term business plan. Living from hand to mouth while doing so, keeping the existing customers happy, not even looking for new clients as they will keep me here, instead trying to hand existing ones over to others for any work not 'online'. And I ask myself WHY? And I cannot find a true answer if I ignore the practical factors. 

What happened? This was never my goal. This free living gypsy/hippy who would pack up and move overnight. Where did the courage go, the risk taking, the joy of living. Too much rubbish accumulated over the years! Too many losses along the way. Too many ideas costing too much personal loss, loved ones especially. Too many promises made to myself. Well you old goat, it's not working, not for you (me) or those you care for!

Tired and Weary:

"Lord, I feel like going Home! I'm Tired and I'm Weary, and I Feel like Going Home! Is Everything I'm Doing Wrong? I Tried to See it Through, but it Seems Too Much for Me, Can I come Home to You?"
Yeah, that's me today; tired of this existence in Gauteng, where the highlight of a day is too often exchanging a few words with the car-guards and passing strangers while taking a walk to the shop. At least they're not the miserable middle class "Gautenger" with nothing more interesting to discuss than fucking booze and rugby.  Really; is that what this place does to people? beer and fucking television sport! They don't even participate the bloody sports they are so enthusiastic about, just drink booze and talk about it!

Someone Offer Work at the Coast


Damnit, I know I'm a really crap employee - too many years being the boss, intolerant of bullshit, over-qualified and experienced for menial positions, pig-headed and stubborn. Always know better, stick my nose everywhere, Do too damn much...
So what, I'm not looking to marry the fucking job, just a half-time term contract till June next year until I can start marketing my products without breaking trade agreements (you see, I keep to my word). Damnit, I'll give you free online advertising once I launch my new business project for LIFE! And my websites get FOUND, and are BUSY; in the top 200 in South Africa.

I don't even expect decent wages; enough for food, a place to sleep near the ocean, and to keep the computers and fishing gear safe, a place to park the trailer and chain it up. Time to FISH! Fuck. Is that too much to ask!

Sodwana, Kosi Bay, St Francis, PE, KZN anywhere, Transkei, even a coastal bloody city!

Fuck, even my DOG has had enough!

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