JOHANNESBURG - GAUTENG

"Egoli" Is that gold in the air, or just everyday SMOG

Some people actually like this place! Well, good for them... Even some that live in the area like it!

Then theres those that HAVE LEFT and still say they enjoyed living here.. WHY DON'T YOU PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS AND COME AND LIVE HERE AGAIN!

Recently a friend and his better half was made an offer that can't be refused.... Transfer to Jhb from PE...

How sad. When I heard this I was horrified. I had this awfully compelling urge to run outside screaming, bang my head against the wall, just generally on the wrong side of clinical insanity..... Not too supportive with comments made either, and got a bit of stick from some of his/her other friends for not being supportive....

DAMN IT! I wish that all those years ago when I made the same move, MY FRIENDS HAD STOOD IN MY PATH WITH SHOTGUNS......

You may be getting the the impression I dislike this part of the world. WRONG!

I don't dislike it. I DETEST IT, I HATE every moment I am here. DEATH is not all that unattractive an option to being stuck in this shit-hole. 

And don't tell me to leave... I've been trying to get the fuck out of here for AGES.... 

The fact is, no-one in the coastal areas wants to employ a Gautenger.... AND I DON'T BLAME THEM. THEY ARE NOT WANTED AT THE COAST... The fact I come from the coast doesn't count.... I'm in Gauteng NOW!

Yes, I suppose there are options... I could always live on the beach... I'm getting too old for that... In fact I DID IT 14 years ago. That's how DESPERATE I WAS then to get out of this rubbish environment.

Oh there are compensations... an earning level that is 'CALLED' above middle income average.  (That is if 500k/a can be called above average) Well I'll take a 66% cut or more to go back to KZN... 110% of it goes to cover the basics anyway - rent, transport, fuck, if one wants to go for a walk, travel 100km out and 100 back just to find somewhere without Gautengers everywhere. And at vehicle operating cost of R3.60k/m, that's R720 bucks to go for a walk with the dog.... Or one can always take a brisk walk along the side of the road, inhaling copious quantities of exhaust fumes, and other pollutants....

I had more disposable income poaching shad-fish for a living..... I certainly haven't had disposable cash from the 'financial advantages of Gauteng'...

Everyday Traffic

And that's not even including the latest idea the city has come up with - pay per km to use the highways, which will add an extra couple of thousand rand to ones monthly expenses, just to go to work.... and most residents commute at least 50km each way, 5 days a week.

And this is the traffic on the roads they want us to pay to use!!! Every Morning from 06h30 to 08h45, midday and evening again from 16h10 to 18h45..............

Idyllic Bruma Lake

Or one can always go for a swim in one of the 'magnificent lakes' the city offers: like Bruma Lake.... surrounded on one side by a 'fantastic' restaurant and 'entertainment' centre, and on the other by open wasteland

Bruma Cesspit

Of course, after diving into this water, you will more than likely spend the next month or two in hospital, probably in quarantine... the pathogen levels are something in the order of 7000 times that fit for human exposure.... The lakes and the many little rivulets that flow through and around the city are contaminated with sewerage (human faecal waste), industrial toxins, heavy metals. (Wits Uni water analysis has stated in the not too distant past that Hartebeespoort dam water contains mercury 1000 times over Euro safety levels  (and Bilharzia) - and that's one of the feeders for Gauteng drinking water.... Don't believe it when Rand Water tells you Jhb water is the best in SA..... that's a blatant lie - independent scientists have rather different opinions....

Oh yes, there's always the wonderful people that one meets here.... Of course just about the only place to meet people here is in boozers.... and judging by the number of patrons of these ethanol outlets, it is not hard to get the impression that the entire population is a bunch of lushes... But then I suppose theres not much else to do....

Oh, yes, and the stimulating conversations one hears... work, work, work, work, booze, booze, booze, oh ,and last year we had a wonderful 4 days holiday in 'Durbs by the Sea'.... We got so pissed every day.... work, work, work, work, booze, booze, booze......

Really wonderful!!!

Then theres what I've heard termed the lovely climate.. it's nice, it's temperate... for temperate read, not hot enough in summer to enjoy the heat, not cold enough in winter to warrant wearing warm clothes (although a lot of the locals are really good actors and claim that it's 'so cold', and muffle up as if they are stepping into Vladivostok in mid winter..... And DRY... Even when it rains the humidity level is so low ones sinuses are constantly aching, ones eyes are dry and need artificial wetting agents, 

Then there's the thunderstorms... AND THESE ARE GREAT... REALLY GREAT..... The only nice thing about this dump.... But KZN has even better.....

Yeah, many years ago there were a few enjoyable things... chasing criminals at high speed through the streets of Jhb on a Friday, Sat, Sun Mon, Tues, Wed Thurs night or day, apprehending criminals ditto, locking them up, ditto, giving evidence in court ditto....., Fun maybe, but enjoying life... hardly! More like sheer bloody boredom.... Spending months 'deep inside a crim operation gathering evidence....No, that wasn't enjoyable at all....

Oh, we can always sit in a pub and drink ethanol... fuck that....

So fine... All you that say you loved living in Gauteng, but now live in the Cape, PE, KZN or wherever on the coast.. You like Gauteng, GOOD... COME BACK HERE and remove your unwanted presence from the decent coastal people.... Hell, I'll even help you get here.... You can HAVE my DTP & Graphics business and 'above average earning capability' in exchange for what you have at the coast.......

TO MY FRIEND WHO IS ABOUT TO MOVE:

I am sorry. As much as it will be nice to see you again, and finally meet your good lady... I would rather NEVER have the opportunity to do so, than see you move to this GODDAMN AWFUL PLACE.

I cannot be encouraging. As your FRIEND I cannot be supportive. As a FRIEND, I can only be truthful regarding my considerations of Gauteng and Jhb.

Mike Otgaar